this thing kinda struck me on saturday and i really realise wat friends i do hv in my life...well i was out of sch for 2days....and when i turned up on saturday for the tests.... a "friend" of mine just asked..."how's your mom?" then out of all things he asked me that...and i was like stumped...so i asked him, "ur perception of me is becomin worse is it?"...then he a friend said...."of course lar...when u never come on thurs i thought you were followin "so and so" abt not comin for the rest of the wk becoz of the results...then when you never come on fri...6ppl you noe never turn up...i begin to think..."

i was like wat the...on those 2days i wasnt feelin too good and my respiratory system wasnt workin...he thinks i aint interested in sch anymore???....and the worse thing was everyone thinks you dont come to school one day its considered pon...then two means not interested...then 3...haiz...its just sad i hv friends like this or shd i even call em frens...coz i realised wat he terms friendship for...just to walk rite over them and for the sake of himself...it just hurts...coz he didnt even asked how are ya....nothin...and only one or two of em like asked me how i was and cared to tell me wat i lost out durin the 2 days...and dats why i think i wont be happy comin back to school anymore with ppl like this...i dunnoe if i can trust anyone there....well another friend of mine told me not to worry bout anythin coz findin a real fren takes time...and its only been the 1st 2mths of jc life...well with teachers bombin and rushin for time...i wonder how can i cope whenever i do feel down and hopeless...isnt that wat frens are for???...

frens i guess is one topic that is very sensitive and i think i m the worse in gettin frens coz i gotta know the fren of mine better b4 i can really trust the person...so in other words i trust no one with wat i say unless the person shows me that he/she can be trusted...i guess my criteria for frens is very high and my expectations of one is...and i think i contradict myself when i say i hv no expectations...and if i hv no expectations than that would mean that i shdnt feel this way and i shd accept the fact that ppl are like this...i m confused at the moment coz out of many ppl i noe...only a few really do care bout my feelins and are open to me...but i guess there is no greater friend than just like this Sunday's kids Church was abt...no one really noes ur sorrows...ur cares...ur trials ur temptations....ur worries...and everythin under the sun but Jesus alone...i hv come to realise that in my walk in life...despite havin 2 close friends who really are very dear to me...there is just one who is even closer...and that is HE whom i spoke of just now...its just amazin now that just this thought i dun hv the angst of bein lonely anymore in sch...coz i can count on Him to carry me through...and i was happy that after the test i was able to go to yf and share and ge counsel frm friends who hv gone through wat i m goin through rite now...and i m just realisin how blessed i m to be surrounded by ppl like this...its just fulfillin enrichin...and it completely made my day...

but despite all of that...in my heart there is still this dread of goin to school..coz i am already thinkin whether i shd go to a jc that hv ppl who care less bout others than themselves...ppl that just worry for themselves rather than others...its just sad...but i will still call em frens...coz in life we hv to hv diff types of frens...be it a bad one or a gd one...coz one day they just might be there for you...but still it just saddens me knowin and truly convinced abt how ppl perceive me now...