.::Tuesday, September 30, 2003
hello world...yah i m kinda relieved that prelims are over...but i just cant help but look forward to the big picture....the o's are comin the o's are comin...hehehe...well anyway i m kinda busy today....gotta meetin later than somethin here and there....and yes abt childrens day...hehe...dat is under construction..
Your Heart is Blue
What Color is Your Heart?
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.::Monday, September 29, 2003
been listening to depressing music lately...music like leave,if your gone, worry rock...darn now i noe why i feel like dis....its the music...hahaha...anyway...been feeling quite groggy after exams...kinda lethargic really...wanna go out and get a hair cut...but i dunnoe where i placed my 5....well still got the atm...haha..well till next i guess...i think my thoughts are sorted out already...haha i guess...now just gotta do a little bit more thinkin to finish up something for a special occasion...yes children's day...hahha...well gotta go...carry on with it...so till next time...
bet ya ppl think i aint happy at all hey...well i dunnoe wat the hell i m talkin abt anyway....but there is just something that needs to be done and then it will be over...anyway i to don't understand what i am blabbering about...but anyways till late...
.::Sunday, September 28, 2003
there is just so much to say...but the words just won't come out the way i want them to...it's all in there inside my head...but it's all congested that none will come out...what is it that prevents me from saying what i feel like saying....am i afraid that my words will insult or destroy my friendship...what is it....what is this internal struggle that prevents me from sharing something so dear to me....am i ashamed of it...ashamed for i have not lived up to it....i m in this world but am not of it...so to you the reader....what is it that you feel when you read this words of mine....you think that it is just some trash thought up by some teenager who is just disgruntled and unhappy about life not being fair...well if you think that way i m sorry for you then coz this blog is not just a way to tell my stories...its a personal reflection of who i am...my personality...character..virtue...and most importantly what i stand up for and live for....
i am disgruntled...i am unhappy...but for a reason...a reson maybe if i say it...you alone will not agree...happiness in this world is all just an illusion to temporarily satisfy your longings....it just saddens me even more...that something so dear and lovely to me is lost in this world....but i guess you too won't agree...
"Vanity of vanities," says the preacher;
"Vanity of vanities, all is vanity."
What profit has a man from all his labour
In which he toils under the sun?
As he came from his mother's womb, naked shall he return,
To go as he came;
And he shall take nothing from his labour
Which he may carry away from his hand.
.::Saturday, September 27, 2003
I am lost again....coz again i am left hanging....my heart cant decide anymore and my mind is now laughing at me for following my heart...it despises me,it blames me....why cant I say it...why do I keep it...i dunnoe...but i need an answer fast...and the person I am refering to...pls...i dunnoe...give me a sign anything...to clear my doubts again...
.::Friday, September 26, 2003
My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
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i m so darn bored...ya i noe i gotta to study for a-math and yes i noe that that is a very diff subject if i dun practice...and yes i still need to understand RV....sian...niway just took a test...well guess till next time...
.::Thursday, September 25, 2003
Aphrodite/Eros
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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Haha..me love??? i dunnoe....but wat is love...well the answer is...well u gotta ask me....
.::Wednesday, September 24, 2003
"As I breathe my last breathe....a messenger from above comes with a decree to decide my fate for eternity..."
Longing...begging...wanting..lusting...working...waiting...tempting...seducing...all have this idea of a need....have u ever thought of things or people you long for, things you beg for, things you want, the person you lust, achievements you work for....the things that are a temptation to you...or things that seduce you....think about it...and think about the motives behind those words...sigh...i m tired....well guess back to the books...
.::Monday, September 22, 2003
Silent now my heart beats as the pain that once surged disappears...
Its ironic u see that dreams can be shattered, dreams that we have built so long and pain stakingly toiled for can just be destroyed...but i guess that dreams can always be made again but there is something that cannot be again...its that something that once its destroyed its destroyed...you know wat I mean...coz it almost was...but it wasn't...and yet I wonder why...well I guess thats not for me to answer...anyway I hope this will be the the last time I blog till after my prelims...anyway books are waiting...till then I guess...
.::Sunday, September 21, 2003
shit how could i be so selfish...insensitive to peoples feelings...what have I done wrong to deserve all this...why do you chose to carry your own burden and leave me hanging...i care and you should know that...but how can you judge me when you didnt tell me what you're feelin...why.... why... why.....do i still mean anythin to you...do i....do i....tell me why...coz this heartache will never leave me till you tell me...
.::Saturday, September 20, 2003
"To the extent that my headaches...the path is still so dim and yet still in a distance ahead I see a light that beckons me to come..."
I guess my words are redundant after all becoz u assumed again...sigh...thanx a lot lin...
.::Thursday, September 18, 2003
"Serenity within this four walls of mine are devouring my mind...to the point my thoughts are playing no role at all..."
Hmmm...finally woken up...just dusting off the dust that has gathered...darn I feel so perked up to just study....as if...but i got to do it or else what I want will be gone...well guess I don't have much to say anymore....and maybe this will be me last blog till like after me exams unless something strikes me again....
"Finally I have woken up from my slumber"says the beast
Well my demon awakes and I have to heed him or he will burn me again...to the books....well till next time..
.::Wednesday, September 17, 2003
My Dearest Conscience,
how kind of you to actually remind me to wake up...but I just cant help it but stone all the way...I dont know but I think its kind of difficult for me to get out of this calamity...
Well maybe excuses wont help but at least let me explain the development so far...well I am feeling that demon coming out of me again...its always durin this trying times that this demon arouses in my being...it will devour anything that comes in its path...that's why I am stoning around because I dont want that demon to control me like before...although that demon is the one that drives me into a trance that makes me pursue glory...I know what it can do to me, especially to my loved ones...so please understand...
I still believe and trust in hope but I dare not move because I am afraid to unleash the demon from its slumber in which the last time it wrecked me to bits...and I dont want to be wrecked...so my dearest conscience pleaasee...understand...I know by this I have aroused the guilt inside of you...that this is not the way I should carry on...its another day till the exams and I am still stoning and as a matter of fact not only will I be affected by whats to come you will to and I believe it will be worse than what that demon can do...I guess I will have to regain my strength to control this demon within me and hope in the same time I don't be overwhelmed by him...so Hope and my Will be with me as I summon again the bain that once nearly ruined me and my life...
Well I guess its time to rise and shine...for the gargoyle is released from the rock that shackles him...For this time with a renewed spirit and zeal...I will ride the tiger again...for I know I havent fulfilled myself...so its time to wake up and smell the roses for everyday is a new day...and yes...thanks my dear conscience for reviving this flame that has once burned me out...and now I am in control...
Yours dominantly,
The stoner...ME...
Dear stonner...
you have been on the com almost 24hrs a day...never ceasing except for food and to relief yourslef...where are your books?? Where is your mind??? where are your priorities in life???...I hope you wake up or else you will end up a gargoyle...and a real nasty one...
Come on now....no time to sit and think anymore...no more time to be romantic...time is no friend of yours...come on wake up...get on your feet and chase everything that you need...but if you chose not to...than I suppose you have given up on yourself...
So what now you may ask....well get UP!!! and move...I know it will be difficult to shake of the dust...but remember you still have your will inside YOU....and hope has always been by your side...trust in it and not in yourself...trust that, hope will pull you through...
I guess I have said enough...but I do hope you wake up stoner...and remember I am always with you...so you better WAKE UP NOW!
your innerself,
Conscience
hey,
got meself a new look.....niway now i can call this mine something that identifies with me...anyway dun be shocked if i change this one day....
.::Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Hey,
You know that choosing a flavour is very difficult....as in for examlple today when I was suppose to buy me dad's cake...it took awhile for me to choose what was ideal...firstly I has to think abt the tastes of my brothers, my dad's and most of all the price...anyway what seemed like ages turned out to be a touch and go transaction with me not knowing that the cake i had bought has always been the same cake that my family have been buying...weird huh...
Parallel to that thought life too is about looking through a window and making the right choices...so if everything were a choice and you said you had no choice than isn't that a choice because you chose to think there was no choice...complicating huh??? anyway I just wanna end here with this saying so as to point out what I am trying to say...
"That is why life is interesting, its because there are many alternatives to it" Mrs Yee (my English teacher)
Well if you think about it, it does make sense...well till next time I guess...
.::Monday, September 15, 2003
Hey,
want to know what went wrong today...ok here it is...firstly in the morning I tried to follow some guys advice by talking to myself in the mirror...then tell myself that I am gonna make a difference today...well come to think of it that was not the case...I mean I have been giving people compliments and what do I get in return...nothing more than scorn...anyway furthermore I feel as if everyone was against me today...well anyway dun wanna go there....
Anyway sometimes I wonder if by following what men say will definitely work...but isn't it so obvious in this world that everything that man say never does come to pass...example world peace...how long has the world dreamed of this that we will all live as one etc etc...
So who are we to believe in now...ourselves??? Well we ourselves are men and the flesh is weak and we know judging by history that mans works are futile...so if we cant believe in ourselves than who then??? Who then can we entrust our lives, our souls, our entire being...hmmm.... well at least I know who I trust...how bout you...
Anyway I don’t wanna get into this gray area but anyway till next time I guess...
.::Sunday, September 14, 2003
hey,
ya just realised one thing when i was cooking in the kitchen...its that how grateful i am that some things that i had wanted to do didn't come to pass...its like i m tempted to do something but somehow there is something that stops me from doing it...i dont know what it is but i think its like a blessing in disguise given to me by the creator above...he is watching me and i know he doesnt want me to fall into folly...anyway that is just one thought because who knows in one of your days you realise how grateful you are that some things happened and some things didn't...well till next time i guess...
hey,
guessed i forgot one important thing about this blog...my personal info...how can i forget...people will just wonder who the hell is this guy blabberin all types of s#@t and we dun hv one single hint who he is...anyway i wont go all the way in revealing myself that you know what color my underwear is...ok here is the stats about me...
Ok formalities. I am a guy not a gay and i hv three brothers whereby the two younger ones are a pain sometimes....anyway my family is not what you wouldcall perfect but what i would say a great one whereby my mom and dad are so in that they follow the same things we are intersted in...like sports such as F1,soccer and many others...
Now more into the juicy stuff...me...hmm how to describe me...well i like food...chatting on phone, computer etc...well if you wonder why i started this blog was basically to tell maybe some thought that has been hovering on my mind or just to summarise what happened in a day...either than that i cant really say if i am attached to someone or something like that because as i have said i cant reveal much about me private life...anyway till next time i guess...
.::Saturday, September 13, 2003
Cracker,
darn wat a way to start a blog by sayin cracker...i mean wats cracker mean...anyway just gottat find stuff to say or have i reached the point whereby I can't say anything anymore...well i hope there is...well i guess till nxt time...
hey,
was surfing on the net one day and was wondering wat the hell was a blog...well here it is...anyway i may be way back or in other words outdated but now i noe...anyway not much of thoughts today...except that my day was brightened up by that someone...well just wanna thank that person a lot...anyway guess that is it...till nxt time i guess...
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