hey peeps...been awhile since i last blogged here...it seems i realised one thing today....thnx to talkin to one of me frens....i realised that i m something....and when the person said that within this blog its completely opposite...i was kinda awed by that thought coz i never knew ppl could see it...becoz what they see in me is not wat they see in this entity...and i believe i hv found out why...its becoz i dun believe wat i m...its becoz i noe wat i m and i chose not to be who i m...make sense???...haha...i reli dunnoe...anyway...the nxt qn on my mind is why???...why do i portray a diff side of me that exists but not the true side???okok kinda confusin...hahah....anyway....watever back to proper...hahah....
 

IMPLICATIONS!!!
 
no. 1 implication....when a teacher tells u in the face u hv a high chance of retainin this yr what is the implication there...no.2 implication...if u dunnoe the person why in the world do you judge...no.3 implication....just becoz my grades are not gd and its only the rite time to tell me to buck up....no.4 implication...seein studyin and studyin as the only option where is the other side of life to dat...

okok...enough implications...its basically complaints really...haiz...well wat a blow lar....i felt so psyched up to get back on track when all of a sudden i get a condemnation frm my Personal development tutor...i mean...how could she say that...i mean i understand why you are talkin to me becoz of my grades but the last remark u made...thats it...wats the IMPLICATION!!!!...days after days it feels just like buildin a sand castle by the edge of the beach and time and time again it gets destroyed by the tide...haiz...so the implication is wat....build further away....or dun build at all...i m sore...who wouldnt be...coz wats the implication on me...gosh i m just like a baby...guess i hv never grown up...guess i m just too sensitive...but how insensitive of her...HOW DARE SHE SAYS DAT!!!...haiz...see lar...now a whole new prob liao...i cant believe it...haiz...forget it lar....anyway guys...i just feel that in all that i do...i just cant do...becoz in all that i do...there is really no dedication...really no seriousness...no nothin...i hv admitted defeat again...really becoz i hv been lookin at my life...i believe that after last nites bible study...i realised why i m like this...its all becoz my life is not rite...it hasnt been since the beginnin...and in my other life the one i shd be livin in...i have been goin ard in circles and times it leads me to an unhappinnes...

okok...i cant carry on...on that paragraph i mean...i just cant keep on dwellin on why i m like this...the more i do that...i will just build up remorse and wats the use of that...my thoughts are futile...my works is all the same....i just need that step of faith that i hv to take...but wat makes it diff for me to do it...why do i hesitate...is somethin holdin me...is somethin preventin me...haiz...i noe that God only noes me...the real me...for you guys who wonder why i meantion God here...is becoz he has yet to be mentioned...in my life i try to handle it...but its just like soap...it falls and goes down the drain...i thought i could yet it says in the Word that my thoughts are futile...and my strength is never enough...i guess its abt time He controls my life...becoz look at me...look!!!...has there ever been a time where i can hv no worries...where i can be pleased with myself...NO!...i dun blame anyone for wat i become...becoz...i m who i m...and my choice is my choice...now the choice is mine if i want HIm to be in control...well...i guess the only way to tell...is when entries like this stop...and i pray they would...becoz i want them to...becoz i noe deep in me...i m better than this...becoz ppl can see that side...that gem...that spark...that has made me to be...but i guess its time...that i began to believe in HIm....than in myself...but in my abilities...i shd do my best...and now is the time...becoz its never too late...and if that means sacrificin other commitments...then so be it...but one thing i wont sacrifice...that is yf and church...and lastly...i wont alienate my frens who r readin this...becoz you guys are the blessins in my life...u guys are the ones who try to pull me out of the deepest deeps...and without you guys...i dunnoe where i will be...well like i said guys...watever it is...i will be better...becoz rite now i gotta work...real hard..and do my best while God does the rest....