.::Saturday, July 17, 2004 its my birthday!!!!....woohoo yeah...but wats the happy occasion abt...i m kinda in a way...sad again...funny huh how my emotions fluctuate frm day to day...if u hv read my sunday entry...i bet ya u would hv seen more smileys here...but it just seems that its not possible...i guess in a way i m tryin to get myself back together...and i realised that my life is in a BIG BIG MESS!...and today i guess i had a brkdown...haiz...all that welled up in there...it just came out all in one nite...i apologize to that fren of mine who for a long time has been by my side and was today though i was just too hot to handle...i mean if u were in that persons shoes and saw me today...u would hv seen the northern lights...i mean it fluctuated real bad...frm sad to happy to serene...then to frustrated and then it just got tangled up and i just blew a fuse in me...haiz...unstable...and the worse thing is that...once i hv crossed meltdown...my mind races so fast and thinks to the limit and above and it just comes to a standstill...like now...i cant even think of wat to type....haiz....
anyway...heres as promised my sorta sch routine everyday...ok once i reach sch its the normal sutff...the anthem sang...the pledge (without conviction) blatantly said...and the mornin announcements frm ppl...then starts the normal routine of lectures turtorials pracs...lecture tutorials and pracs...then durin brk...its either i hang with my buds if i m hungry or at the lounge where i can catch up on some slp lost to those restless nites...or just rush on some last min work...yeah...well ok u may wonder why me...a person so called gd with ppl cant go along with his own classmates...well after some soul searchin...i realised when i m with my classmates...i cant be myself...i m scrutinised for every word i say...and sometimes they think i m crap...i mean i dun wanna suit my being to their taste..who in this world do they think they are!...the only times i feel like myself is in drama time or with my previous frens of old and still best buds...and of course fellow yfers...haiz...
anyway...blessed birthday -just-...its kinda blessed to realise how grateful i m to be alive...to hv lived in a family that i say is unique...and to be given many privelleges that many dream of...and to hv parents who are cool and down to earth and yet hv this aura in them....haha....haiz...
well i just wonder how i wanna celebrate my birthday today...and suddenly...i just feel like i wanna be alone on my 18th birthday...but i guess thats not the way to be...well watever...haiz...
"If a sigh is all i hv to show, its not to far frm a smile...for by removin wats behind after S and startin by clearing the Mind...surrounding myself with the right Influence...lotsa Love and finally being with Everyone...then I would probably SMILE :)"
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