.::Monday, August 09, 2004 Gd day world...am sitting down now in my one kind of a room after spendin the morning out with my family with our previous church...it was grt fellowship...saw the little ones i realised i missed so much...how wonderfully grown up they are...and of course they are so cute...took some pics of em in my cam...(the one in my phone)...well actually hv some where else to go to rite now lar...but somehow i just dun feel like goin anyway...well besides tat point...wat i mentioned earlier this mornin...i mean i guess humanistically speaking no man can really seek love...for the love man seek is all but a deceit and no matter how hard man tries he may never realise how selfish the love they seek...therefore that cannot be love...humanistically love is impossible...the love the world preaches is never love...it is all for everyone's own gain..and the love everyone wants...is all for their personal use...and how selfish love can be when u everyone thinks love is just a feeling...nothing real...nothing that can be seen...can be given...can be shown...love is more than just all this...i believe in my archives i did share it all out before...than why again do i share about something that people around share...it is a word misused..and i too hv missused it...misled by my belief...but i guess...ppl will never understand that feeling...if they think it is just a feeling...for love is not meant to be btw a man and a woman...the love i hv for my family is one that i hv ovelooked so far...that i realised how loving my brothers are to me...though we squable,fight or argue...we are always assured of togetherness....the love i hv frm my mom and dad...is one too that i hv overlooked...i just realised how foolish i was at times when i talk back to them and how many countless times hv i broken their hearts....yet they still are willing to give their everything...and that is love...a parents love...a fatherly love...a motherly love...a brotherly love...but despite that there is a greater love...a love that i alone am unworthy of...a love so pure that even i cant be part of it...
(i cant continue writting abt that anymore...that even as i write now...tears flow down my eyes as i think abt my life and wat it has become...how spiritually stagnant it has been that all this yrs of hearing His word i hv never come to a realisation as of now...that all this while i hv been running away frm him...and how i wanted my own way...my own life...i was like the prodigal son..and now as i read my bible...i turned to John 15...and read the whole chapter...and i broke down even more as i realised that i...have not been abiding in his word...and it is encouraging toward the end of the chapter that i should never be ashamed of believing in my God...the one and only true God...because i begin to realise that it is humanly impossible to please God with our imperfertions...for if God is perfect than we who believe no one is perfect...therefore in wat way than can we please this perfect God...and if He is our creator...our maker...than we his creatures cant do anything...and he has every right to detroy you and me...But what really made me happy was that i realised...that He is willing to stretch out His hands...and He has chosen you and me...through His grace and mercy to be His again...how wonderful is that..and he even said in vs12-14...a command, an explanation of his great love...and a promise...i know my words alone arent enough...and i noe anyone can be religious...believe in something...but for me now...i m assured in my belief...that now i dont wanna live in my old life...but a new one...that now as the tears dry up...i m comforted...knowing that there is real love...a greater love...."Greater Love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." That is why Jesus died...because he loved us...and despite everything we hv done...all the heart break to Him...all those selfish acts...everything... He is wiling to offer His hand for us to come...and I believe I have taken that offer...the offer of a certainty...this is the reason why I share this...because I am happy...blessed to hv Him...and I hope you will come to a realisation...that at the end of the day...where will you be going...are you sure when you leave this earth you will go to where you want to go...how certain are you...for i am certain...and even as I type, this offer is given to you...and i challenge you to think your life out...Is life really just abt living in uncertainty...for one thing of course is certain, death...in our 5yr plan...or 10 yr plan...hv we planned out where you will go after you die...think abt it...is death really the end to all this...but as far as I noe...My God has promised me something...so if i die...i will die knowing of His promise...)
I wish not to live in my oldself...
For I have been renewed...
A new heart is what's given to me...
A promise so eternally true...
My past shall always haunt me...
All the evil within shall manifest in me...
But I will resist for I am certain of being free...
For I belong no more to the clutches of sin...
He will help me...
Strengthening me as I pray...
Immersing myself more each day-
In His truth, I want to know more...
I know:
I will struggle..
I will fall...
I will carry on...
For He has promised...
To help me...
In my walk of faith day by day...
As I now face a new life...
He will be by my side...
And as I wish to live a new...
I will pray for all those I know...
And hope they will find Him to be true...
May He take control of my life now...
As I give it all to Him...
Thank you Lord!
(I hope you all will understand that I wrote this all because I know its true...and I hope all of you will be witnesses to what I have written in here...and I m not doin this for a personal gain...but to let the world know what I am...and I pray that I will live up to my testimony and I noe I may stumble for i m still not perfect...and I know it will be a struggle...I know that I will lose many of whom I cherished b4...so I just pray that my life would be one...pleasing to God and that He would work in me...)
bravenet.com