-EmoTions-

[ A friend, a foe, at times and its unwise to let it rule your life or it will bring you down...]

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.::Sunday, September 26, 2004

wats goin on in this fragile mind...


i suppose i wasnt in the right frame of mind today...distracted over wat happened the previous night...i realise dat when you just lose it you lose it....and ya... dats wat happened...2 jabs to the right eye and the result...i get profanities thrown at me that fuel me and hypnotise me to go back and jab for more...i suppose if not for my dad holding me back....i would hv just gone in and do a disfiguration lesson 101...haiz...this thing has been goin on and on in my mind today that i didnt wanna join my family today as they went out to some friend's house as we were all invited...but with me feelin like this i just couldnt go...really...all i wanted was to be alone...nothin more than that...sometimes in solitude my mind is clearer...though i noe wat i did was not justifiable i just felt that last night i deserved to give more than those 2 jabs...and yet a part of me is frust of my total loss of control lettin lose the devil in me...i dunnoe...till now i m just totally silent...dun wanna talk...dun wanna tell how i feel...but let ppl guess wats goin on...sighs...i suppose my mom and dad sure noe somehow...and so much for the long peace and harmony btw me and him...so much...coz rite now its just tension...i dun wanna see eye to eye with him...and i suppose frm now we wont...when did we ever see eye to eye except when it comes to stupid self entertaining crap that they all are in to. so they determine wats in...haiz...i m after all the odd one out...i started bloggin b4 them...i had friendster b4 them too...then big bro came and they joined the bandwagon...and guess wat if it werent for me their blogs wouldnt be up and runnin...and wat do i get?...nothin...although one says thanx...you may be readin this too i suppose you are...but who cares since u think i dun care...sighs...i m runnin on a highly charged mind now...and i feel that its no more NATO this time round...coz i just feel like hurtin u if u start with ur talk again...i noe its you...you r like dat after all...well get some feelins for other ppl...i m hurt when i hurt you...probably your egotesticle mind dont get it....so wat if i tell you that..u wont believe me...and the worse thing is dat now the whole world noes...sighs....i m a bad person...no doubt bout dat...i m a hypocrite...for this day dat is...i hv fallen...i m in remorse...but isdat wat i m suppose to do knowin all this...to continue feelin this way...i felt kinda better when Joel Mohan said sorry to me today...becoz wat he did kinda infuriated me yesterday evenin...and i forgave him just like dat...but i still feel it aint enough somehow coz i didnt do my part...well rite now the tension is still there...i m boilin...wont simmer down...i m still angry...still am...and i noe its not right...its not right...i suppose the rift is now wider...and i suppose we wont talk for days and wks...coz i suppose two jabs=silent war...wat a brutal mistake...and a disappointin move for someone such as me...i suppose if youre readin this...you might reply back in your blog...but wat do i care...u dun care do you...u never even showed an inch...and i noe u may say its somethin stupid over some stupid little thing...i bet it doesnt bother you dat i m angry...i suppose it dont matter to you even if i die tonite... you will be happier after all...right? it dont matter to you that right now i m torn between sayin sorry to you for wat happened...and i suppose it dont matter to you dat i care...and i suppose it dont matter to you...it doestn does it?...and i suppose it dont matter to you even if u read dis...coz i noe it wont...unless you prove me wrong...and i suppose you wont....coz it dont matter at all...i suppose i dun matter in your life...go on smilin...go on wearin your shades...go on doin wat ya doin... coz i suppose ur future will shine bright without me after all coz after all you hv your own view after all...my views after all is just crap right?...well i suppose thats it...i m ur crap...coz i dun matter anymore....but dun come comin tellin me i was right all along...but who cares anyways...coz u think ur always right...right?....


*Just*another day in my life 7:51 PM
1 comments

1 Comments:

Hey...just wanted to say you're not a hypocrite. It's just that you are still human, and will fail. But that's the great thing about grace, that even when you've failed, He'll pick you up, clean up your cuts and take your hand.

By Blogger yuene, at October 1, 2004 at 12:23 AM  

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